Some studies suggest that gay and straight men have similar age preferences when it comes to partners. How do gay culture and society at large feel about the boys, teens and men who pine for older lovers? And how do these boys, teens and men navigate the taboo nature of their own desires? Likewise, there are elements to the stories of Spacey’s accusers that I believe warrant discussion beyond simple condemnation for the actor. It also doesn’t fully capture some of the messy realities - like negotiations of power or consent - that are sometimes present in older-younger gay relationships. But there are also wistful, fantastical elements to the movie which, it’s worth noting, was based on a book written by a straight man and cast with straight leads. The beautifully rendered gay love story just happens to feature a seven-year age gap, and portrays the ideal of a relationship with a significant age difference. Watching Call Me by Your Name didn’t help me resolve these tensions.
I believed, as Spacey’s accuser put it, that “I’d won the jackpot.” I’m not so sure anymore, nor am I sure how to separate the damaging myths about gay predators that I’ve absorbed throughout my life with what actually occurred. While pursuing my first significantly older boyfriend, I too remember thinking that we were on equal playing fields sexually and intellectually.